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"I am Only-One Cannotbe, a Jebi Knight in service of the..."
―Only-One Cannotbe, cut off by Shawn Duet[src]

Only-One Cannotbe was an Expendable Jebi apprenticed to Guy-Gone Weird during the waning days of the Galactic Democracy. Despite his position as an Expendable Jebi, he was actually skilled and intelligent. During a search for missing congressman Lon Jennon on Daftooine, Only-One and his master discovered the Spiff Order. There he faced Dharth Tyrannical-Fascist in a duel and held his own until saved by Guy-Gone. He later faced Dharth Bob on Taboo with the aid of his master and then alone, defeating the Spiff apprentice in a duel. Upon discovering that Jebi Master Count Dubious was also Spiff leader Dharth Bolshevik, he returned to Croissant to reveal the truth. He passed the Jebi trials and eventually worked his way up to Jebi Master and took the place of Count Dubious on the Jebi Council along with Maigus. He was granted the rank of Jebi General in Spacefleet and given command of a ship - the D.S.X. Machina.

Years after the events on Taboo, he was made aware of a bounty on several people involved, including his old master, and he set out to track Guy-Gone. Guy-Gone led him to Geneosmosis where his fleet arrived just in time to prevent Dharth Bob's Spiff fleet from destroying the Rusty Eagle and attacking Croissant. He supported his master's decision to leave the Jebi Order, and pulled some strings to get Typhon promoted to active captain duty in Spacefleet for his role in recent events.

Biography

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

OOYoungPic

A young Only-One at the Jebi Temple.

Early Life

Expendable Jebi

Only-One was chosen to be a Jebi, and Count Dubious made the decision to have him apprenticed to Guy-Gone Weird, hoping to keep him from attaining any status that could threaten his position.

Apprenticeship

Under Guy-Gone's tutelage, Only-One was introduced to some very radical and seemingly pointless teaching methods Guy-Gone had developed. One of his methods included a random switching of master/apprentice roles to test Only-One's ability to think on his feet and lead a group. However, Only-One soon came to understand the purpose of his master's teachings and became a skilled and intelligent Jebi.

First Crash

Stranded on Blogden

Not long after Only-One was first assigned as Guy-Gone's apprentice, the two were tasked with a secret mission to Taboo by Supreme Pitza Decorum. Due to some disagreements between Representative Lon Jennon and a political faction, Jebi assistance was required. Along the way, however, Guy-Gone took the controls of the transport and crashed it on the planet Blogden. Since then Guy-Gone was required to be flown to his missions by Spacefleet officers. On Blogden, the two found lodging at a local motel. The owner asked if they had been sent to stop "the madman", who had been out on a murderous rampage since he arrived. Guy-Gone said he'd look into it during their stay. They were eventually contacted by Decorum via stellargram, and given more details about their mission. Additionally, a package was sent by Janitor Pulpyjuice. Guy-Gone mistakenly threw out the box, thinking it contained only foam peanuts, when in fact it contained a bomb meant to kill them, which instead killed Rig'ur Mortuus, who happened to be passing by. Unbeknownst to the two, Dharth Tyrannical-Fascist and Dharth Very Insidious were in the next room, conspiring the downfall of Dharth Bolshevik, and plotting to use Dharth Bob's rampage as a reason to retrain him under Very Insidious.

Investigating the Murderer

With a transport on the way, the two killed some time by investigating the rampage. They only turned up dead ends, until they met with an informant who had also been tracking the murderer. Pooling their resources, they tracked him to a complex, where he engaged them in a brief laserfoil duel, before getting away. With the transport outside, the two left Blogden for Taboo. However, in their abscense, a conflict had broken out, and Captain Plainway had been sent to settle it instead. They were contacted by the Jebi Council and informed that their mission had been canceled. The two then returned to Croissant. Years later, the story of these events were retold to Typhon by Guy-Gone, with some embellishment.

The Spiff Revealed

Search for Lon Jennon

One day, congressman Lon Jennon of Taboo went missing, seemingly kidnapped. Supreme Pitza Decorum consulted with the Jebi Council and decided that the matter was relatively unimportant and would require only Expendable Jebi Knights. Guy-Gone hired the not-so-famous Captain Typhon to ferry the two in their search. One day, while cooking macaroni, Guy-Gone had a revelation that Jennon was being held on the park planet Daftooine, and promptly had Typhon set a course. Upon arrival, Guy-Gone was contacted by Jebi Master Coda, who gave the two permission to use any actions or means to rescue the congressman safely. Not understanding what he said, Guy-Gone ended the transmission. Only-One expressed his hesitation about the blind search, but before he could protest further, Guy-Gone took the controls of the ship, and accidentally crashed the ship on the planet's surface.

13th Annual Company Sparring Picnic

The crash did not go unnoticed. The Spiff lord Dharth Tyrannical-Fascist saw the crash, but dismissed it as a part of the festivities. Guy-Gone and Only-One pulled themselves from the wreckage and made their way in a random direction. Only-One once again protested, asking Guy-Gone if he really knew what he was doing. Little did the two know they had unknowingly stumbled into the location of the ancient Spiff Order's 13th Annual Company Sparring Picnic. Sensed by Dharth Bolshevik, the two Jebi fled at incredible speed, and when engaging Spiff Guards, were separated. Only-One wandered into a small encampment of Spiff Guards, and deflected their blasts back at them, leaping high into the air to avoid them.

Duel with Dharth Tyrannical-Fascist

2

Only-One duels Tyrannical-Fascist

Having finished the last of the guards, Only-One wandered into a natural tree formation. There he heard the sound of a laserfoil igniting, and he turned to be faced with Dharth Tyrannical-Fascist. Tyrannical-Fascist taunted Only-One into a fight, claiming that he wouldn't allow the two to leave the planet alive. The two engaged in a duel where Tyrannical-Fascist tested the Jebi's skills, continuing to taunt. Seeing a break in the fight, Only-One pulled Tyrannical-Fascist's sword from him and attempted to use both against him, but Tyrannical-Fascist was far to quick. Retrieving his sword, Tyrannical-Fascist Spiff-Gripped Only-One, choking him, and buying time to draw Only-One out of the trees and into the open.

Escape from Daftooine

OOPic

Only-One during the search for Lon Jennon.

Their duel continued outside of the trees, but was suddenly interrupted by a sourceless gust of hot air and door opening out of...nothing. From the doorway, Guy-Gone appeared and he violently pushed the Spiff directly in the face, knocking him to the ground, allowing the two Jebi to escape in the cloaked Eon Vulture, piloted by smuggler Shawn Duet and his co-pilot Mobacca. Dharth Bolshevik feared for the possibility that the Spiff would be revealed to the Jebi order before they were ready, and dispatched a squadron of fighters to pursue. With its weapons diabled in an earlier encounter, the Eon Vulture was no match for the fighters. Just when all hope seemed lost, a small fleet of smugglers and pirates emerged from hyperbola space to aid the Eon Vulture. The group was led by Sprint Render, a friend of Shawn Duet, and fellow rogue. The fleet was able to destroy all but two fighters, though suffering casualties of their own. Confronted about owing Sprint money, however, Duet fled. Unknown to them all, Dharth Tyrannical-Fascist followed in his Spiff Interloper.

Change of Direction

While en route to Croissant, Guy-Gone and Only-One formally met Shawn Duet and his co-pilot Mobacca. He explained why his ship was cloaked all the time, and why he was on the run. He also warned Guy-Gone about a defect in the ship - that if the toilet is backed up and the stove is left on, it would create a chain reaction, destroying the ship. While Guy-Gone was away, Only-One was contacted by Count Dubious, who ordered them to the Taboo system. The ship changed course to Taboo, right into Dharth Bolshevik's trap.

Apocalyptic Battle

Landing outside the Atrium Complex on Taboo, Guy-Gone, Only-One and Duet left the Eon Vulture only to have it violently explode due to the chain reaction malfunction caused by Guy-Gone. Pressing on, the three reached the entrance to the building, where Guy-Gone reclaimed his master role out of concern for impending danger. Before they could enter, a cloaked Spiff lord, Dharth Bob, confronted the three.
Ooduel

Only-One duels Dharth Bob

Assuring Duet that they could handle the Spiff, he ran off to the side of the building. The two Jebi engaged Bob in a 2-on-1 duel throughout the complex. Their fight led them throughout the building and the upper levels, and down through the atrium, where they were briefly interrupted by a passer-by. The fight led them to a series of automatic impenetrable doors, and each combatant found themselves trapped between the doors.

Guy-Gone's Death

As the doors opened, Guy-Gone burst outside to fight Dharth Bob. Only-One was still trapped, however, and forced to watch. Bob caught Guy-Gone in a laserfoil lock, pushed him to the ground and stabbed him in the chest. Distraught, Only-One watched as Guy-Gone faded into nothing, leaving only his clothes, while Dharth Bob laughed and danced, taunting him.

Spiff Defeated

The doors opened again and Only-One angrily dueled Bob. He was knocked down during the duel and in a last-ditch effort, pulled Guy-Gone's laserfoil to him, swiping at Dharth Bob's pants and causing them to drop. Ashamed, Bob ran off into the wilderness. Only-One looked up to find Dharth Bolshevik. Realizing that he and Count Dubious were one and the same, he found himself the recipient of deadly Spiff Lightning.
Ooshock

Only-One barraged by Bolshevik's Spiff lightning.

Low on power, Bolshevik pulled out a large gun and prepared to shoot Only-One, but was interrupted by tapping on his shoulder. Spinning around to see who was causing the annoyance, he found Guy-Gone dressed in casual clothes who knocked him out cold with Dharth Bob's laserfoil hilt. Guy-Gone informed Only-One that the new Supreme Pitza, Pulpyjuice, had asked them to return to Croissant. Shocked and surprised, Only-One asked how he was alive, to which Guy-Gone replied that the one who died was actually one of his many clones. As Duet, Typhon and Mobacca reunited with them, they watched as dozens of Guy-Gone's clones marched along a nearby street.

Return to Croissant

Knighthood

Upon his return to Croissant, Only-One revealed Dubious' double nature to the Jebi Council, though Dubious never returned. Pleased with his work in the matter, the council knighted Only-One, and assigned him to more meaningful tasks and missions. During this time, he made it his personal mission to uncover what he could about the mystery of the Spiff and the extent of their involvement in the Democracy and the Jebi Order.

Spacefleet General

During the next few years, Only-One's prowess grew, and he was granted the title of Jebi General in Spacefleet and given his own ship to command, the D.S.X. Machina. Only-One came to know and trust his crew, becoming one of the most efficient ships in the fleet.

Council Member

After several minor conflicts and numerous commendations, the Jebi Council bestowed the rank of Jebi master upon Only-One, and offered him a seat on the council, replacing Count Dubious. Only-One came at odds with the decisions of master Maigus, though he never said so publically. It was during this time that Only-One was made aware of controvercial decisions made by the council in the past, and was made aware of a steadily increasing number of lost Jebi over the past few years. Only-One often felt concern too, wondering what kind of trouble his old master had gotten into.

The Rhast Incident

Contacted by Guy-Gone

To be revealed in Return of the Smuggler!

Tracking Guy-Gone

To be revealed in Return of the Smuggler and Dark Equilibrium!

The Battle of Geneosmosis

To be revealed in Dark Equilibrium!

Guy-Gone's Trial

To be revealed in Dark Equilibrium!

Warning from the future

To be revealed in Dark Equilibrium!

Personality & Traits

Powers & Abilities

Swordfighting

Jebi Powers

Laserfoils


Only-One Cannotbe's first laserfoil

Only-One Cannotbe's second laserfoil

Outfits

Jebi Outfit (I)

Only-One wore standard issue Jebi robes and tunic. He wore a simple belt and a large brown robe.

Originally, Sean's costume was similar to Matt's, being made of bedsheets and pillowcases. Unsatisfied with the quality, he remade his costume with better materials and created a robe from scratch, which is still used to this day. He originally sported a black glove and a flimsier robe, later given to Dharth Bolshevik/Count Dubious.

Jebi Outfit (II)

To be revealed in Dark Equilibrium!

Unused "War" Outfit

To be revealed in Dark Equilibrium!

Cannotbe's Ships

D.S.X. Machina

Alternate Timeline

Behind the Scenes

Only-One Cannotbe was played by Sean Stewart. He is a parody of Obi-Wan Kenobi, particularly in the Star Wars prequels. In the earlier footage from Spoof Wars, Only-One had slightly shorter hair, and the Jebi braid was traded between himself and Guy-Gone. He also wore a black glove and wore the robe that would later be given to Dharth Bolshevik. In Tales of the Jebi, he has grown his hair out and wears two costumes: the distinctive Jebi robes and tunic, and a "General" costume. This costume was inspired by the outfits worn in Clone Wars and The Clone Wars, sans the armor. This costume was drawn up a day before filming and put together mostly using unused costume parts.

Cancelled Sequels

Appearances

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